Pain free choice conflicts of personality and neurosis

 Person's life, will be faced with numerous choices. Or that person's life experience is the choice of life. Because, in addition to my parents that I can not choose the parents once the Select the struggling in the colleagues, beautiful, simple, introverted and conservative and traditional. Wang external stable personality and a rich inner feelings, desire for spiritual and romantic life. married two years later, he began to feel his interest in the couple, fun, values there is too great, and beginning to feel the marriage tasteless and helplessness. he sprouted out whether the idea of divorce. This idea has been circling in his mind tortured him: divorce away to pursue his romantic life, how can he also unable to speak because of his innocent wife, who felt so in love with him. If the divorce, he was afraid his wife sad, sad their parents are afraid; if you do not divorce, it means that the poor bear the smell of marriage. To this end, he lives in a unable to extricate themselves doubts and pain, I feel too tired to live!
many similar situations, and its selectivity in the content of the conflict can be described as numerous and varied: for example, is to continue to work for others and too useless to start his own company afraid of risk ; love her too hard, because she was not a virgin, she can not give up, because she is so good. but also into the choice of daily life events of anxiety: go to someone's wedding, heck have reluctantly not to participate, afraid of offending people; face his rebellious son, discipline is not heavy, light no. and so forth.
choice is free, but is very free. because in the selection process , people will experience the contradictions and conflicts, tension and anxiety, and even experience can not be deeply constrained choice.
choice could have been free. But why do some people make choices less painful? In fact, the nature of the pain choice is in need of a neurotic conflict response, and has nothing to do with the choice itself. That is, one chooses the surface with the difficult choice about what is actually some kind of personality and its inherent psychological conflict, but not with a neurotic personality of its own directly related to the conflict. If a person has a highly developed sense of self, a solid self-concept, then he will be free to choose the experience and brings to bear the inevitable choice anxiety, and not to avoid this anxiety. Also, because of his independence, using a variety of methods to make the final choice. and those people trapped in a painful choice, in fact, unable to stop in the heart of their personality conflict, rather than the choice itself. there is a conflict, there must be pain. The formation and maintenance of the conflict, from the neurotic personality traits and neurotic thinking.
(b)
can say that every people are faced with internal conflicts and contradictions, however, select the difficulties, they face the inner conflicts are not actual conflict, but rather what is called the is subjective (the lack of reality) and the contradictory nature of (their struggle with their own). such as is mentioned in the previous case of Wang, he established a strong conscience and sense of responsibility can not give up his wife leaving him, he again a strong desire to pursue emotional romantic life, but both in his marriage can not have both. he left his wife, will be guilty conscience and back; in marriage, he would endure the emotional life boring. Optional First, he faced the pain. not to choose? He is not easy. This man, if he chose not understand the reasons for the pain, you will always face the choice of the cool lake and hesitation, and eventually choose not to choice. However, he will still be unable to extricate themselves caught in anxiety and pain.
from the perspective of psychopathology, neurological patients free choice of pain, with their sensitive and personal attitude of a lack of confidence associated. This sensitive and inferiority of the Neurotic Personality, mainly in the do anything, the lack of initiative, lack of perseverance; choice matters, cautious, hesitates; of the unknown, anticipatory anxiety, worry; relationships, highly sensitive, lack of confidence ; emotional look of anxiety, depression, easy to irritation. the characteristics of this population, without exception, mutilated their childhood living conditions mm mm defect on parent-child relationship (ie: early attachment defect). In other words, sensitive to (lack of confidence) personality development in early childhood, rooted in the ill or disabled child of the family environment. psychoanalytic therapist Karen Horney b neurotic patients in the study of children most of the time found that the common feature is to have a morbid neurosis breeding environment that can be described as: As the parents not to give the child the state of neurosis true love; parents, some of the behavior and attitudes mm, such as control and spoiling the transition, resulting in frustration for children , helpless and dependent. If object relations psychology and early attachment theory to analyze, we can further explain the lack of confidence in the sensitive and the formation of personality is how well this kind of character who is trapped in the free choice of how the pain The.
early object relations and attachment theory suggests that personality is within the organization and the establishment of the results. internalization is a mental process. If the object is bad early child objects (such as punitive or controlling parents), children his environment, the rules of interaction and bad features, into his internal rules and characteristics. environment interaction and bad features can be understood as Karen b Honeywell pathological study environment for children, the parents of the neurosis as personality, The neglect of all infants and young children, intimidation, transitional protection, such as the transitional restrictions and penalties. This relationship between pathological attachment to the environment, formed by the children of the future personality and behavior patterns mm helpless, strong self-centered and dependence. in any situation of conflict or risk, he will naturally avoid, afraid to express, not the normal counter; in the attractive but requires a certain ability to get before the transaction will be perplexed. so gradually to avoid conflicts, inhibited desire, extreme emotion, and personality characteristics such as jealousy.
(c)
children, the nature of the relationship between early parent-child attachment, determines the key tasks of adolescence mm mm establishing the success of self-identity. who developed the self-identity in his personality, there is a result of that their continuity with their past, and awareness of others and keeping up the self-confidence and natural growth. identity missing people, self-role is confused, will feel really do not know who he is? do not know whether the eyes of his mind consistent with others, and do not know how to develop in this way, and do not know where the future direction . The people in the face of any judgments and choices, will be accompanied by a lot of anxiety and tension. If it is facing the exploration of career goals, he would lack a sense of direction and sense of purpose and choose to give up. Then, in the face of major practical choice of the emotional pain experience, but they were early insecure and helpless, unable to repeat the experience of sense.
example, a reading of the senior girls, because they can not settle down after graduation to determine whether learning Select a graduate student and very frustrated. In fact, this is not her lack of learning ability, but her own choice and significance of imminent transition of anxiety, which are quite unable to complete the current learning task. She also felt great guilt, because Her parents wanted her admitted to graduate. and she felt powerless, they feel that students pass the test, both against my parents, nor any prospects for the future. Unfortunately, in this girl's childhood and adolescence, because of her parents spoiled, everything well arranged for her, she never had the satisfaction of trying to establish self-identity and autonomy. She often forced himself to accept the values of their parents and follow their parents for their decision path in life. often a choice moment She compliance from the behavior of parents have been happy, feel that they do not deal with the conflict is simply exploring a relief. but with his age, especially to college, she always will have their own parents as make a choice, the inevitable personality conflicts experienced reactions. say it again, choose a personality in itself does not cause conflict, but neurotic anxiety will appear in the time to choose, it is this anxiety has led to bitter, mm is the source of a personality defect in the freedom of choice every time when a particular situation a helpless, incompetent patients in the early years experiences mm as well as adolescent repeatedly experienced. only difference is that the parents of the past as you have a strong choice, and now you have to rely on their own! real life, the fate of almost all of them allow you to set many things to make a decision. So, lack of confidence of the people, will face a decision so hard, they had to make a decision dilemma.
the ordinary man, not necessarily difficult to solve the dilemma. However, such individuals must be developed and established a more stable personality characteristics, in particular the identity of personality. This must be due to his early achievements and the direction and initiative to get happy. and easy to fall into a painful neurological freedom of choice in difficult patients, the total is the reality that there are too many things more difficult, but not because of their awareness personality factors.
caught in freedom of choice in patients with painful nerve disorders, but also deep experience inability to grasp the direction of things; what the future expectations misgivings, sleepless nights. This is clearly a sense of loss, but also incapable of being established in the early based on. psychoanalysis that only when the anxiety of the weak sense of helplessness the self was not properly used for the allocation of the libido, neurosis will fall into internal conflicts. a more mature person is a self-consciousness, sexual intention, and can make free choices. However, due to a variety of complex reasons, people make a free choice may sometimes lead to pain, or even mental illness.
(d)
When a person doubts about the validity of freedom of choice and lack of confidence, he will adopt a metamorphosis acceptance outside the standard way of neurosis: for example, force yourself to do something, or the fanatical pursuit of a religious or social activities, or a workaholic, or go into hiding in the disease. This is like a weak mind would by neurotic access to money and other wealth to increase their sense of power, like! This is like a choice facing marital difficulties as women choose to be a strong woman! Since these methods are accepted by the outside world the way it can maintain a reasonable , can avoid the problem out of real choice, but do not worry about how other people will see. But, I really abnormal way is not true and want to pursue a way, but the anxiety of last resort under the transfer. it temporarily, relieve anxiety, play a more inner conflict to protect themselves from harm. But if the abnormal way too long, will be a deeper depression. were difficult to adjust the direction and find the true self. When something can not be used to the way continue when the choice of inner pain will completely defeat the defenses they painstakingly.
freedom of choice into a painful neurological disorder, since the main problem within the personality, to solve this type of personality lies in his personality internal tensions caused by the defect to be adjusted. through psychological analysis, to clarify his attitude, so he wisely aware of their tendency to neurosis, is how this affected his life now. make him feel that he is from the heart to develop their potentials, to help him expand and develop their own understanding and believe that they can regain the ability to choose, eventually leading to human freedom and responsibility has grown. However, the adjustment and shaping of personality is a long process. The role of treatment, only to help visitors experience the freedom of their awareness and the possibility to be more self-awareness, encourage him to have the courage to confront his fate. The most crucial is the visitors themselves In his real life, going to choose to learn and hone their skills. the health of individuals, both welcome freedom, also welcomed the responsibility and the responsibility lies to themselves, in accordance with the requirements of their own hearts to make their own choice. personality fundamental change must be built into the operation, which includes freedom of choice is bound to act. If there is no action, the choices a person can only be a wish or an idea, a desire useless expression. Therefore, to get rid of neurotic personality conflicts, not to select the most important result, but responsible decisions on their own, his neurological symptoms tend to disappear like magic. And being in action, you will have the ability to enhance a sense, you will feel that their power has been fully utilized, so that you will Find true self.
2006
Chengdu, the blue sky Counseling